I don’t usually remember my dreams, but I recently had a dream during the night that I vividly remember.
Another unusual aspect to this was that immediately I knew the interpretation.
In my dream, I was back in College trying out for a choral group (which I actually did back then, and was a part of that for the length of time I was there.) In the dream, I wanted a chance to audition, but kept running into obstacles. It seemed I was not going to be able to audition. The music they were going to be practicing and eventually perform was Handel’s Messiah, and loving that music so much all my life, I eagerly wanted to be a part of it. I managed to get a copy of the particular score they would be rehearsing with, and this edition seemed to be alive with colors and animations throughout the book. I was mesmerized by the beauty.
Before I had a chance to audition, I walked in on a rehearsal because I heard the music, I just wanted to listen. The choir director briefly looked my way, and didn’t take much notice, and kept going. I later walked by his office, saw him at his desk looking very busy. He looked at me with a glance and kept working. He didn’t seem to be annoyed at me, and I felt I could have walked in and he wouldn’t have minded. But I kept going because I didn’t want to disturb him, and I would hopefully catch him later at a less busy time.
The next thing I knew, I was in a hallway passing by a conference room that looked to me rather drab. In the room sitting in three chairs, were the choir director, the Dean of students and the CEO of the college. They were hashing out some sort of business. The door was open, I walked in, they looked my way and then proceeded to conduct their business. I stayed only for a moment, and was aware that they had no interest in shooing me away or telling me their meeting was private. I quickly walked away from that awkward moment, contemplating my next move to approach the choral conductor. That’s when I woke up. Immediately the interpretation of the dream came to me.
I’ve been asking the Lord for quite a while to give me more of him, to fill me with more of his Spirit, and to be more intimate with him. I can remember only one time in my life that I felt we had a truly 2-way dialogue, not just me doing all the talking. So I believe this dream was showing me that in order to get closer to him, I need to pursue him no matter how uncomfortable it feels at the moment. He was saying to me, “I gave you three chances to approach me, and I was hoping you would interrupt me and make a fuss until I embraced you, but you were timid, relying on your own experiences and past rather than surrender everything to walk with me.” There were a number of aspects to the dream, and they all mean something; like the living music score, the drab room, and the three men, but what I wanted to write about was the fervency by which we need to press into God.
I still have a lot to surrender in my life, and like my email tag says at the bottom, a quote from Jeff Tharp:
“The Holy Spirit cannot be put in a box. He won’t operate in one who gives him 90 minutes on Sunday, or is restricted in what he is or is not allowed to do. He won’t split his allegiance between you and God.“
May we all learn to earnestly press into Jesus like the persistent woman banging on the judge’s door, that he talked about. He wants us to pursue him with all abandon.